Deltoid named official muscle of Delta College

By: Kellen MacGregor, page editor

UNIVERSITY CENTER – “Ladies and gentlemen,” began Delta College President Jean Goodnow, speaking to a lecture hall replete with students and faculty alike. “I present to you… The world’s very first muscle sponsored by a college, the deltoid.”

Beholden to shoulder support, the deltoid is named after the Greek uppercase letter delta.

Applause, gasps and screams filled the auditorium immediately preceding President Goodnow’s landmark announcement. Biology majors rejoiced as this groundbreaking partnership between the iconic, triangular muscle and Delta College was confirmed.

“I never thought I would live to see the day that my own college would form a collab with my favorite muscle,” says Regina Hyde, second-year occupational therapy major.

Never in the history of academia has a part of the human anatomy been officially sponsored by an educational institution. This historic declaration marks a watershed in the history of human anatomy and scientific advancement.

“The deltoid perfectly represents the qualities that the ideal [Delta] Pioneer possesses,” says President Goodnow, during a press conference following the announcement. “Resourcefulness, integrity and vigor, which collectively form the triangularity of triumph.”

In celebration of the sinewy union, the Red Brix Cafe has revamped its menu, serving deltoid-related options such as roasted cow’s deltoid, triangle-shaped pastries and quesadillas.

“You know, if there’s anything I wish the cafeteria would serve, it’s always been roasted cow’s deltoid,” says Henrietta Vergal, sixth-year general studies major.

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